You should have seen the pity party I threw myself today. Wow. It was bad. And when I say bad, I mean it was horrible. I am too embarrassed to list the details and trust me, you wouldn’t want me to be specific about it either. It has been one of those days where the only thing I’ve allowed myself to see is the negative stuff. And not just some of it, all of it. I jumped into the deep black hole of self pity, defeat and regret. It was ugly. Possibly the worst yet.
Up until a few moments ago I was convinced that nothing could make it better. Not chocolate, not a shopping spree, not Eddie, not my two cats, not ice cream, not wine, not candy, not Matthew McCanaughey, not thinking about Hawaii, not even picking up my camera. Nothing.
But as I drove around without a destination in mind I remembered how much I love singing out loud while driving. As I reached to turn on the radio I thought how amazing would it be if my song were on right now? And when I say my song I’m talking about Eminems Love The Way You Lie song. I let out a sigh of relief when I heard Rihanna start singing, made a right turn to get on the freeway, closed my windows and turned up the volume as high as I could stand. Then I sang. And I rapped.
Within the past month I’ve managed to learn the entire song and for some ridiculous reason I feel proud. I know I look and sound stupid every single time I sing along but my hope is that the people driving next to me are focused on the road and not me. By the end of the song I was feeling a little lighter because I was able to channel some of my frustrations and let them out while being all don’t you hear sincerity in my voice when I talk, told you this is my fault, look me in the eyeball, next time i’m pissed i’ll aim my first at the dry wall…I can’t relate to this song in any way as I’ve never been in that situation but I love it nonetheless. After it was over I found myself heading back home, feeling a tiny bit better.
I sat in front of my computer without any drive to get anything done and I randomly clicked on Justin & Marys tab and noticed that they posted a country video by The Band Perry on their blog. I cried while I listened and watched the video and when it was over I felt a little better. Then I checked my email and saw a message from Kathrine. After reading the first paragraph, I smiled and felt a lot better. I couldn’t believe that the words I was trying to find to explain how I felt were in her email. In only a few paragraphs she said everything I needed to hear without knowing about my horrible day.
I have no direction with this post, I know this. I just wanted to write about today to remind myself that sometimes it’s the smallest things that can help you get through a difficult day. Things that I may have overlooked on a normal day. So thank you Eminem, Justin & Mary and my dearest friend Kathrine. I’m off to keep crawling out of my black whole, eat some tasty vegan food and explain to Eddie that I’m not crazy. It was just one of those days.
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