You should have seen the pity party I threw myself today. Wow. It was bad. And when I say bad, I mean it was horrible. I am too embarrassed to list the details and trust me, you wouldn’t want me to be specific about it either. It has been one of those days where the only thing I’ve allowed myself to see is the negative stuff. And not just some of it, all of it. I jumped into the deep black hole of self pity, defeat and regret. It was ugly. Possibly the worst yet.

Up until a few moments ago I was convinced that nothing could make it better. Not chocolate, not a shopping spree, not Eddie, not my two cats, not ice cream, not wine, not candy, not Matthew McCanaughey, not thinking about Hawaii, not even picking up my camera. Nothing.

But as I drove around without a destination in mind I remembered how much I love singing out loud while driving. As I reached to turn on the radio I thought how amazing would it be if my song were on right now? And when I say my song I’m talking about Eminems Love The Way You Lie song. I let out a sigh of relief when I heard Rihanna start singing, made a right turn to get on the freeway, closed my windows and turned up the volume as high as I could stand. Then I sang. And I rapped.

Within the past month I’ve managed to learn the entire song and for some ridiculous reason I feel proud. I know I look and sound stupid every single time I sing along but my hope is that the people driving next to me are focused on the road and not me. By the end of the song I was feeling a little lighter because I was able to channel some of my frustrations and let them out while being all don’t you hear sincerity in my voice when I talk, told you this is my fault, look me in the eyeball, next time i’m pissed i’ll aim my first at the dry wall…I can’t relate to this song in any way as I’ve never been in that situation but I love it nonetheless. After it was over I found myself heading back home, feeling a tiny bit better.

I sat in front of my computer without any drive to get anything done and I randomly clicked on Justin & Marys tab and noticed that they posted a country video by The Band Perry on their blog. I cried while I listened and watched the video and when it was over I felt a little better. Then I checked my email and saw a message from Kathrine. After reading the first paragraph, I smiled and felt a lot better. I couldn’t believe that the words I was trying to find to explain how I felt were in her email. In only a few paragraphs she said everything I needed to hear without knowing about my horrible day.

I have no direction with this post, I know this. I just wanted to write about today to remind myself that sometimes it’s the smallest things that can help you get through a difficult day. Things that I may have overlooked on a normal day. So thank you Eminem, Justin & Mary and my dearest friend Kathrine. I’m off to keep crawling out of my black whole, eat some tasty vegan food and explain to Eddie that I’m not crazy. It was just one of those days.

I enlisted the help of my go-to models, Ketzia and Amy, for this shoot. I didn’t really have any other requirements or ‘themes’ in mind for the shoot, I just felt like shooting, and the girls did an awesome job. Here are some of my favorites…

I realize this image is ‘all wrong’ but its one of my favorites…

fierce.

love this little series…

And because I couldn’t finish the day without at least a few shots using off camera lighting….here are a few that I think turned out ok

rawr.  

Have a great day!

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email: info@marissarodriguez.com

Here are some of my favorites from a Lu’au at Paradise Cove…

Perfect sky to start our day.

My mother, myself and Megan

I adore this photos of my parents…

Making bracelets…

Fake tribal tattoo.

Megan, if you’re reading this….I know you’re smiling hehe

Hawaiin guy opening a coconut and my Pa.

While everyone was watching the pig ceremony thing, I was watching this…so peaceful.

Gorgeous bodies and amazing talent.

Love this.

A perfect way to finish off our long day…with Kash and Otis

Thank you for stopping by!

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email: info@marissarodriguez.com

I slipped in to my flip flops Friday morning and drove twenty minutes to pick up two orders of my favorite vegan food while I rapped sang about burning and lying with Eminem and Rihanna i cant tell you what it really is, i can only tell you what it feels like and right now there’s a steel knife in my windpipe…Then Katy Perry and Snoop Dogg, cali-for-nia girls, we’re undeniable, fine, fresh, fierce, we got it on lock…Then tons of Leona Lewis and I finished off with some Clay Walker and Reba McEntire. My favorite.

Then I sat in front of my television wearing my dear flip flops, ate and then ate some more. And as if I wasn’t comfortable enough, I changed into sweats, lay in bed, watched another movie and then took a nap. If that isn’t the definition of being a sloth, then I don’t know what is. But it was wonderful. And I made sure Saturday included more lounging and flip flop wearing Marissa with a trip to Tijuana for guacamole tacos and lemon ice cream. Perfection.

Then there was Sunday, the day I felt my vacation coming to an end. Before heading out to lunch I slipped on my flip flops and glanced at the heels I’d be wearing later that night. A few hours later, the evening rolled around and I survived four hours in heels. My feet hate me. The weird thing is I’ve been wearing heels since I was fifteen; I used to be able to wear them all day without a problem. I think this means I really am getting old because I can hardly handle them anymore. Or, it could be that I’m still stuck on vacation mode. I guess my feet and I still need a few more days to adjust.

The good thing is I have tons of pictures that remind me what it was like to wear sandals everyday…

During a trip to the swap meet…

Ended the day with this…

Began another day with picking up my parents at the airport who joined us for ten days

Remember Otis? (left) His buddy, Kash(right), was finally flown into the island in time for us to spend time with her. She looks silly in this photo but she is adorable in real life

I miss them already.

At Hanauma Bay for the second time…

Happy Monday!

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email: info@marissarodriguez.com

Because sometimes, one photo is all you need to remember something amazing. And this photo, with clouds in it of course, does exactly that for me…

Have a fabulous day and thank you for stopping by! I have tons more Hawaii photos I will be posting and then eventually I’ll get back to posting photos of people and gorgeous couples, and not just plants and pretty sunsets

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email: info@marissarodriguez.com

Here are some favorites from our visit to Waimea Valley…

Every time I see these kinds of trees I catch myself acting like as if its the first time I’ve noticed them. They’re that beautiful.

love these two.

one of my favorites.

The waterfall we got to swim in…my first thought when we finally made it was that’s it? its tiny, but a few moments after swimming in it made me want to apologize. It was such a beautiful experience…I tried snapping shots while going inside the little cave behind the waterfall but it was so strong and intense, this is all I could get…and to be honest, I love it. It’ll always remind me of the moments I spent inside leaning on the rocks listening to the water roar a few inches from my body.

On our way out I noticed these lovelys…I wish I could have spent the entire day photographing them.

A short pause before heading to the beach…

megan, my brother, me and eddie

Sunset. Me and my camera. Just how I like it.

I sat on the rock I had earlier jumped off of (photos on yesterdays post) and watched the sunset. Breathtaking, as usual…I guess I wasn’t the only one daydreaming.

My favorite shot of clouds I’ve ever taken.

Happy Tuesday!

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email: info@marissarodriguez.com

I remember going home and staring at myself in the mirror wishing my hair wasn’t so dark and thick. I wanted shoulder length straight blonde hair, not the wavy, sometimes frizzy heavy locks of Mexican hair that rested all the way down my back. And there was no way I could get rid of the braids because brushing and braiding my hair every morning was almost as important and necessary as breakfast to my mother. If only I had gotten my dads blue eyes I would have a better chance of blending in with some of the pretty girls, I often thought while on my way to school.

It wasn’t until I stopped caring about fitting in that I was able to feel content. It wasn’t easy though because almost every school year I would catch myself trying to find ways to fit in so I had to snap myself out of it. Very often. And you’d think that as an adult I’d be done with that stuff but being away from my everyday life for a few weeks allowed me to realize I had been doing it again back home.

Trying to find ways to fit in.

Except this time, I was the one pointing out how different I am from everyone else. I was the one making myself wish I were different. I was the one telling myself that the way I am and the things I do are soooo not cool. So I’m writing this post to remind myself to snap out of it….Marissa, don’t be an idiot. Stop trying to be like everyone else. Trust me. You’re happiest when you are completely you. Whoever that may be. It’s ok if your story isn’t like everyone else. It’s ok if you haven’t booked 35 weddings to photograph your first year, if you’re nowhere close to being published, if you don’t hang out with any of the “cool” wedding photographers, if you don’t have “connections”, if you can’t brag about your inbox being filled with inquiries and it’s ok that you are not a full time photographer. Yet. And that’s only speaking about work stuff, don’t get me started with your personal life. Stop caring what others may think of you. Just be you. Even if, when you look in the mirror, all you see is a girl with dark braided hair wearing an oversized cotton shirt with flowers and butterflies printed on the front. Just be you.

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We spent some time at Waimea Bay a few days ago where there is a giant rock people jump off from and obviously, I had to try it. Better than a roller-coaster. For some reason I feel these photos fit with todays post. This is me jumping off the rock….

the moments before I jumped…

I took this photo when we arrived. love.

Have a great Monday! Lots more photos coming soon!

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email: info@marissarodriguez.com

As I flipped through my phone today and landed on the calendar screen that I had been so carefully avoiding, I noticed that in exactly one week from today, I will be heading back home. And right this minute, I don’t really know how I feel about that. I miss my little girls so badly and I have a wedding I’m excited to shoot in September, but other than that, I don’t really think there is anything else I’m dying to go back to.

Sounds horrible, I know. But I guess that’s the reality of me right now, maybe one day it will be different. I don’t know if its the “reality” of things that I’m afraid to deal with or if its the mental list of things and goals that I want to reach that intimidate me. Or it could be sheer laziness. Or maybe confusion. Whatever it is, it’s making me want to fly back to San Diego only to pick up Lili and Lola, fly back to Hawaii or somewhere in Mexico and just be. Maybe, one day.

In the meantime, here are my favorites from an awesome hike up Diamond Head. Intense, hot and sweaty. But the views and the burned calories were very much worth it…

Half way up…

Why we decided to take the trip up the volcanic crater during the hottest time of the day is beyond me.

Right when you think you’re done…heeeeellllllooo stairs…

One of my favorites.

Inside of Diamond Head…

love.

This is retarded, I know but I’ve been doing this whenever I have my wide angle lens…this is right after finishing the hike…

Happy Friday!

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So here is my attempt to get back on track…remind myself about some of the wonderful things I’ve been able to experience within the last couple of weeks. Focus on the positive Marissa, focus on the positive…

-Watching sunsets on the beach. Breath, sigh, breath.

- Swimming/snorkeling next to sea turtles. I won’t even try to describe this…

- Reading for hours at a time.

- Staying up late and sleeping in till’ whenever I feel like it without having to worry about being anywhere at anytime.

- Shaved ice.

-Sand. Beaches. Sun. Water.

- Hiking and being able to take photos from awesome views.

- Going to my first Luau…major eye candy for all

- Experiencing Oahu with my family. Parents included.

- Listening to people speak with a Hawaiian accent.

- Swimming in a waterfall.

- Feeling an adrenaline rush while jumping off a huge rock into the beach…post to come later.

But there is one thing that beats this list and more, by far…

- Feeling my future niece kick and move inside of Megans belly. Oh. My. Gosh. If it was the only thing I did while spending time in Hawaii, I would be fine with that…definitely a special post to come later.

But for now, here are some photos of Manoa Falls…not that I feel these photos do it justice, but here is my attempt to capture its beauty…

We went on both trails and it was over two and a half hours of walking…

bamboo jungle.

love.

We found these near the waterfall…

The end of the first trail…I was too tired to take any photos during the second trail….

Something a little different…

Have a great night everyone!

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email: info@marissarodriguez.com

Anyway, back to the point. I’m sitting outside on my brothers patio…and besides the absence of birds around me, all I can think about is the shiny, silverish-whiteish strand of hair that sits on top of my head. Right in the middle of all my hair. I discovered it this afternoon when I finally pulled myself away from the book I’m reading and decided to do something about the messy ponytail I was sporting. I figured I should look somewhat presentable when we pick up my parents at the airport later today. I even went as far as to pull out my brush and hair straightener. Oooooo, fancy. And as I parted my thinning hair down the middle to divide it into sections I noticed a reflection on the very top of my head. I looked closer, blinked about a hundred times and then silently let out a sigh of defeat.

The little bastard just stood there, all perky and everything, staring right back at me. The fifth of it’s kind within the last year. A gray hair. A few months ago I found four more among my shoulder length hair and pulled them out almost instantaneously but quickly regretted it when Eddie told me two more will grow out for each one I pull out. Crap. So there I was this morning, glaring at it like as if it would magically disappear if I stared long enough. Nope. It’s still sitting above me as I type this.

I decided not to pull it out because I fear two more will grow in its place. Instead, to pretend the silver strand doesn’t bother me, I parted my hair right down the middle. I figure there is no point in trying to hide it because there must be hundreds more that will make an appearance sometime this year. And when they do, I’ll part my hair right down the middle again, walk into a salon and have it dyed for the first time ever. Jet black. And that’ll be that.

But until then, I’ll be enjoying the rest of my weekend with family, a couple of cold drinks and my new silver strand that sits like a cheap crown on the highest point of my head.

Question, in all seriousness, at what age are gray hairs supposed to show up?

Have a great weekend!

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email: info@marissarodriguez.com